Jó reggelt, szevasztok…
I don’t do any vlogs about my days, I’m not quite sure if I would want to expose my life that much. And to be honest it wouldn’t be crazy exciting either. My days are starting at 5:30am most of the time. I have a full-time job from 7am to 3pm normally, sometimes they change my shifts to spice up my life… After work, I go home and chill a little. And opening my laptop to do online work and blog posts. Then closing it 6 hours later. And I’m waking up at 5:30…
Not necessary to vlog about this right?
But I was thinking, every now and then I will share how are things going… so let’s get up close and personal. Come, sit down.
It’s been – 84 years … – nearly 3 weeks since I’m back from Mexico, and I feel lost and empty.
This is the first time I feel this awful after a trip. It was just so so painful to get back to reality after I got a taste of what I really want in my life. I couldn’t write down a single word in the past 3 weeks… But as you can see I have 37 draft post ideas waiting to be finalized and shared with you guys…
What’s going on with me? I can’t be burnt out after like 6 months of blogging… I feel like I lost the motivation a bit and sometimes I don’t even wanna share anything anymore. It’s very demotivating when I get mean comments from people I personally know – I don’t care about internet trolls. “how can you manage all these travels? How you get all the money for it? And the free time? Your rich boyfriend paid for Mexico, right?”
I work my ass off for it every day. I have 2 jobs, and lots of other responsibilities in my life. Still jealous that much? Oh… And about the traveling… Plan ahead, organize and prioritize. Do you know how much was my ticket to Barcelona? 40£. Do you remember the price of your last designer handbag? 400£? Hey, that’s a ticket to Mexico.
So… Leaving Mexico behind really broke my heart or is it just the holiday blues?
I remember when I landed and stepped out from the plane I took a deep breath – like I do in every country I visit – and I felt like this is it, yea… I’m home.
And I fell in love. Literally.
My sister said I won’t see the real side of Mexico. I will only see the cotton candy resort dream, with palm trees and coconuts. And of course, it’s hard not to love this:
… Even with the sargassum – btw I read some Instagram comments and literally 3 days after I left the sargassum was gone… #fuckmylifeandfuckmyeverything.
But you know what else I loved?
I loved to see happy and friendly people. I loved the smiles on faces, I loved a quick compliment from a stranger – I was privileged tho, the tall, snow-white blondie chica bonita. I loved walking around on the small dusty streets of Tulum downtown, yes… far from the beach and my resort. I loved what’s real. I loved the small shops with local things handmade by locals. I loved to see the people hanging out in small bars, or just sitting on the ground – rich or poor, who cares, just having fun. I loved all the good vibes and atmosphere everywhere, no worries, no stress, no rush. I loved the music on the streets, the smell of the food and I loved the street dogs and cats chilling around, and pet by everyone.
In Tulum we were sitting in Matcha Mama – very popular Instagram op lately – and it was a girl there – clearly European, living her location independent life in Tulum, sitting with her laptop and green juice, working on a website, and writing.
– If you are reading this and you were there on 22nd of October after 2pm, please hit me up cuz I wanna know everything –
I was just sitting there, got a bit emotional and that was the moment when I was like, yes. That’s what I want in my life. I want to live and work like this, be my own boss, do my things from my balcony or from a coffee shop… – God forbid, from Matcha Mama.
But okay, let’s not go this deep in the dream world, at least try to stay in the edge of reality… In one of the hotel I stayed, the receptionist was from Germany. She said she came for a holiday, and after the vacation she just had to move back and start a new life in Mexico. Or the French guy who worked for a travel agency and took people on adventures, such as diving in cenotes. Or our tour guide from Mexico City, who moved down south to be close to the sea, and the nature. And travel all around explore the mayan ruins and to have the jungle as his backyard.
There you go.
And now I’m back to reality, back to the normal hamster run in Manchester, England. Let’s compare, shall we?
Boo… you whore
England. Where it’s almost always cold and grey. People are like icebergs. Everybody is on the rush, no smiles, no eye contact. They are running through you on the street and pushing you – and it’s your fault, obviously.
Hungary. It is my home, it’s beautiful for the tourist’s eyes, the country has so much to offer… But financially and job-wise it’s in trouble. Hungary is still in my heart but I had to leave it. Something just didn’t feel right. I thought I have to be somewhere else. Manchester became my second home, but still… something is missing. Financially, of course, it is much better than it was in Hungary. But I don’t feel like I belong here either. This thought is haunting me since I was like I don’t know 10 years old when my sister was on a cruise ship and she was sending all the pictures and postcards from so many tropical paradises… That’s when I realized I wanna be somewhere like this.
Now that it’s been said probably you would suggest, it’s time to get up from the bed then, cut the depression and start working my ass off for it, right?
So what now? I don’t know… But we can agree on one thing…
… the magic is happening outside of a comfort zone.
I’m trying to think rationally for now, and not just following my broken heart. So in the next few months, I want to focus more on this blog, put my heart and soul into it again. Improve my Spanish, cuz that’s crucial.
Meanwhile, I want to travel more, for my own sanity of course, and to give you guys more and more stories. I’m already planning a trip to Barcelona in December. I feel like it is very much needed at this moment, to be alone for a few days to clear my mind and set my focus and goals.
And… Well… actually I nearly quit my full-time job last week and I just wanted to pack everything and go back to Mexico. Boom.
That would’ve been a sudden surprise for everyone probably.
I didn’t move though. Not just yet.
… Jó éjszakát, szevasztok!
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